paradise falls

Dad: You look really tired.

Mum: You have dark circles.

Sis: You look weird.

I'm falling sick. Meh.

Monday: IDP during the day. Dinner with Soyza, his cousin and Jun. Then he left home to pack for his trip to Europe. He wasn't even aware of how long his flight would be. He had to leave to the airport in 3 hours time.

Tuesday: Avatar 3D in the afternoon with Chris, CH and Calvin. Window shopped, then went for Peter's farewell gathering at his place. A pretty boy leaves Malaysia...headed for the USA.

Wednesday: IDP again today. Watched Up. Feeling sick. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve.

Why did I even bother with this post. I had to push myself to do this.

vanilla twilight

I will tell you what I did today (or yesterday, depending on how picky you are on things like that).

I went for bootcamp in the morning. Bootcamp days are funny days cuz by the end of the day (the end being about 2-3 a.m. on average), when I am going to bed...I think back and wonder, "Whoa did I really go to bootcamp today?" cuz it seems so long ago, it could have been yesterday that I went to bootcamp (technically, by 2-3 a.m. in the morning, it is yesterday but you get my drift). I think it has something to do with me getting up at 5:45 a.m., working up a sweat, going to breakfast with Jian, going home and K.O.-ing till 2 p.m. It's as if my morning has been wiped out during the 4-hour nap I took, and I actually begin my day at 2 p.m.

Anyway, same thing happened today, but I didn't K.O. on the living room floor as usual; I made it to my room floor! I woke up, took a long hot shower and scrubbed myself clean, washed and rinsed my hair twice. When I got out of the shower I changed into freshly laundered clothes, dried my hair and went downstairs to say hello to anyone who was in the house at that moment (some relatives from Singapore are here for Christmas week, so anyone could be around at my place at any given time). I went out for lunch with CH. Came home and tidied up my room a little, before pinning up my hair and settling down to read a book.

Evening came and I did some errands, helped with large dinner preparation (more like helped stir stuff lolol I can't cook for nuts D: maggi mee not counted) When dinner was ready, everyone gathered and ate. The younger kids watched 'Another Cinderelly Story' upstairs (for the third time today) while the adults talked downstairs and I alternated between the two groups and my book. I did the dishes with various members of my family. Hahaha as in, random people would come in and help rinse or dry a few dishes then walk out, but I was the constant there, scrubbing away at plates and cutlery and pots. One of my aunts gave me a very important piece of advice; something alone the lines of "at gatherings always finish chores fast or you'll miss out on the merry-making in the hall". However, to me, this part of large dinner gatherings is the part where I get to escape for awhile from too many people and have some quiet time to think or not-think. Don't I sound like an old lady hahaha.

Anyway, went back to my book. At 12 a.m. went over to Jian's cuz there was a Christmas gathering there, Ochis and some of their Form 6 friends. Basketball game at the nearby court...let my choice of university depend on the shots that Jian made (stay in Malaysia nuuuuuu) and other usual Ochi stuff XD

Came back home by about 2:40 a.m.

Haha...descriptive boring post is descriptive and boring. But I liked today. I liked chilling in freshly laundered clothes after a bath and reading with my hair pinned up. Today would have been perfect if I had taken out my contacts and read with my glasses instead :D

However, wabi-sabi.

P.S.: Not yet decide wtf.

P.P.S.: And why no space appearing between paragraphs, I don't know. Maybe it just looks like this to me.

unhealthy early mornings

For the past few days I've been living a pretty unhealthy life. Look at the time now; 5:36 am! I'm supposed to have ironed and packed for the family trip tomorrow.

My breakouts still haven't gone away. Er. And sleeping late isn't helping. Another thing that's been on my mind lately is the decision to go to Melbourne or to Canberra next year. A lot of people are in favour of Melbourne, purely based on the claim that Canberra is a rather boring place. Canberra's ANU, however, ranks top in Australia and top 20 in the world. University of Melbourne ranks 2nd in Australia, and 37th in the world.

Having said that, should my decision be based purely on university rankings? Melbourne U is still noted for quality education, as is ANU. What I am looking for is not just academic excellence (although that is very important), but also the experience that comes from studying in a university overseas.

It is such a hard decision to make, aggravated by the fact that I am an indecisive person by nature.

Kar Kien says: "Why would you go to Canberra? All the way to a foreign country to sit in a still city? Might as well stay here and do distance learning!"

Jo says: "ANU's campus experience encourages bonding with your fellow university mates, due to the close knit campus community. Can a bustling city like Melbourne offer you that?"

Chris(topher) says: "It's not just about studies. You have to make the most out of your experience living and studying overseas."

Jo Lyne says: "ANU ranks higher. It is also cheaper."

In the end I still have to make a decision. And whatever choice I make I must not look back towards the path I did not take. Melbourne Uni, ANU...how does one choose. Do things like fees matter if the money is well spent? How do people decide. I envy William, who stated in a recent post of his that his heart told him that Clayton was the path for him, not Melbourne U. Wow. Why is my heart refusing to set itself on one. Why do I want the best of both worlds, when I should be making a decision fast; one or the other. The due date for my decision to be made is scarily close. Like, today or tomorrow. WTF.

And I say:

"I still can't decide."

This is really stressful. Such a high buyer involvement purchase decision. Of course I want to minimize cognitive dissonance. It's not like this purchase will be refundable.

***

It's already 6 am, 21st December 2009, Monday morning.

Thursday, never looking back.

What happened on Thursday night:

Jian called me pretty late at night, about 10 pm? I can't rightly remember...time doesn't seem to matter during the holidays. If not for the acceptance due date for my universities, I wouldn't be aware of the date.

Anyway, he called, and said (and I quote) "Er, want go beach?"

To which I replied, "Er, now?" (or words to that effect).

He said he'd send me home by about 1:oo am. So I said,

"OK."

Two cars.

Portable drinks bar. HAHA.

Makeshift picnic area, cuz the mat they brought wasn't big enough.

Don't let the camera flash fool you; we were picnicking in the dark.

Flash from camera was painful.

Mr. Bartender HAHA. Cocktail martini in the making wth.

Quality seedless watermelon, chosen with care by Jian. Tok tok tok.

The boys took to it like druggies.

...while the girls laid back and watched the stars.

And there were so many.

Saw a falling star.

I was impressed that there was lettuce, mayo, 4 types of ham, tuna, cheese, cheese spread...what else? Ah watermelon and cordial. The boys did the shopping. I ate the sandwich that YyLing made for me, and it tasted so good, sitting on the sand and munching away. I laughed so much that night...the kind of laughter that (to quote Ad) that gives you abs.

There was also the hunt for a public toilet. 5 of us took Jason's car to do that. Jason and I lay stomach down draped over the back of the car with our heads looking over the roof, held on to the radio antenna thing, while JinEe drove around looking for a toilet. Felt so good, esp at the end when Jason rapped on the roof, saying "Step on it! Step on it!". I don't think I'll come to a situation where I'll do this anytime soon.

I unlocked the front door to my home at 5:30 am. Happy, sleepy, contented.

Sadness is...

many different things. Sometimes it kills you inside and sometimes it's not that bad, but you feel sad anyway. Sometimes you don't realise it till later.

Sadness could be...

...staring at the criss-crossed bruises across your back in the bathroom.

...or trying to suck it up and muffle your sobs even with tears streaming down your face while you stand in the store room.

...or crying over an empty drawer, one-week after a funeral.

...or fighting that ache in your heart as you lie in bed, with your handphone under your pillow.

...or coming home eager to meet your loved ones and they're on holiday, please take the key from the letter box.

...or wishing you had bothered to look into the door as you walked past, more often.

...or listening to someone you love cry on the other side of a locked door.

...or swinging on a swing a few metres away from the bench where a loved one is gasping for air while concerned people mill around trying to help ease the pain, just block block block it out.

...or many other different things; some trivial, many more much serious-er, and a lot I won't pretend to understand.

***

I spent 4 hours being a creepy stalker wth =.=

Content of post is blah, I just felt like corny emo-fied post.

I do feel sadness (duh please I mid-night emo champ) but in some cases I think I feel sad for the wrong reasons.

boring post by bored person

Warning:

1) Lots of pics of my face.

2) Manglish.

3) Overuse of 'wth'.

4) Booger journalism going on in this post.

Okay, STARTO.

My pau face in its pau-like glory, yay!

Haha I is so farnee.

I have vampire teeth rawr rawr.

I tried to do Jeannette's moustache thing, but all I succeeded in doing was make some frame appear around my nose, emphasising its Chinese-ness fuyoh power.

Haha I put this pic cuz I look kinda constipated, haha funny funny. But I think this is my regular face omg not funny D:

Okay so after the post below lamenting my State of Sienness, I went blog hopping and came across this post about someone's damn fun Halloween festivities and she went as a vampire. Basically make up was just porcelain white face, thick smudged eyeliner, super long false eyelashes and really red lip color.

So on this Night of Sienness I decide okay let's play with my face yay. Got out my brand new MAC kohl stick which was like sitting in it's dusty box and also found some dark eyeshadow and red lipstick from my mum's bathroom.

My face. Look look. Today I very webcam-happy.

Since I got no other tools I decided to try to get just the eyes right. Basically apply the kohl liner thickly, right? So I did that, and kept doing that and kept at it but oh my goodness either I fail or the power of my single eyelid-ness damn chun until I put eyeliner also cannot achieve that big sunken-eyed look. Or both. Nuuu...

I got this far.

Very thick lines of kohl.

My face. Sorry you is has to see it when I post pics.

Those shots above were to record my progress so far. After this, I started drawing thicker lines and smudging them with my fingers. I also added dark eyeshadow trying to make it look drama, but since I am make-up artist failure, I just looked like I got sucker punched in both eyes, with more damage to my right eye cuz I applied eyeshadow imba.

I looked a fright, really really. Very Halloween hag, but that's totally not the look I wanted to get lawlfailwth.

Then I put on that bright red lipstick. Prostitute Halloween hag wth. Then my mother opened the door oh my goodness I dove for the blankets and wrapped it around my head like some tudung, trying to shield my face. Yay, Halloween hag look complete wth. Winner.

My mother was very kind.

"Are you trying on make-up? Turn on the table lamp, then. And bring your table mirror to your desk," she said in a very kind, motherly, understanding tone.

Wtf embarrassing until can die. Luckily no white powder wth.

na na na

Sienning wth. L4D2 please wth. Overusing 'wth' wth. And I am freaking gaining weight. Stress weight from the exams season hasn't been lost, and I am gaining more holiday weight nuu what is this nuu!

Obladi Oblada playing in the background wth.

Oumaikot (<---lol) so stoning right now please thank you wth.